anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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