But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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