He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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