Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
