her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
