Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
