don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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