Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
