Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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