It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
