Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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