come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
