last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
