Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
