We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
