I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is Oprah even human
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
