She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
