3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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