God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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