I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I could make wine with my vomit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.