I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS