my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.