Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is