dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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