she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.