PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
