Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
