I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
