the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
