playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
