He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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