Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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