I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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