the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
