my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
