Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
