there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
