Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
