I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
