I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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