i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning