So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You are a genius and a whore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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