chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...