Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

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  (716): I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me http://tfl.nu/kh9w
  Replies (11) Good night (725) Bad night (4403)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

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  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7844) Bad night (1191)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (3213) Bad night (924)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.

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  (505): Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why. http://tfl.nu/r7vy
  Replies (7) Good night (2380) Bad night (889)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly

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  (516): my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly http://tfl.nu/e7hc
  Replies (6) Good night (1827) Bad night (1410)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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  (651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof
  Replies (18) Good night (2893) Bad night (1103)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.

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  (608): Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/sglt
  Replies (2) Good night (1741) Bad night (803)
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  (776): View more from

  My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.

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  (776): My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today. http://tfl.nu/rxf7
  Replies (0) Good night (1146) Bad night (565)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.

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  (440): I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me. http://tfl.nu/i18g
  Replies (8) Good night (452) Bad night (1040)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.

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  (412): So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now. http://tfl.nu/x0w2
  Replies (5) Good night (1616) Bad night (952)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

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  (914): Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/r09f
  Replies (9) Good night (558) Bad night (1164)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.

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  (502): Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain. http://tfl.nu/4o3l
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (750)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  "YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.

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  (602): "YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/6e83
  Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (515)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  $5. Donated.

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  (314): Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate. (636): $5. Donated. http://tfl.nu/smvj
  Replies (0) Good night (842) Bad night (353)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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  (613): What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with? http://tfl.nu/ukrn
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (223)

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