That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage