Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
