She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
