..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
