We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
