When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
