If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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