just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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