Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
