Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
