Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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