Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
