Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
