i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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