Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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