I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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