Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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