I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
