Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
