Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
