; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you still have your period?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
