One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
