I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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