Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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