I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
