Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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