Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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