I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
