omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
