Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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