At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
