HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
