just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My pussy is not your playground.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
