I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
