just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
