just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
