dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
