at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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