planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
