I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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